Firstly, please no hand-guided campaths. In general you shouldn't add that many unnecessary cams. There's no reason to add every single angle for a certain action. To prove my point, I'll point out that the there was an intro which was 100% campaths and lasted over a minute. Also campaths themselves need a lot of work.
The effect @0:29 and @1:50 doesn't go with the overall theme of the edit. Makes no sense there.
The expanding crosshair does not suit for movie-making. I personally despise it in the game as well.
The blurriness @1:22 shouldn't be there. Also in action it became quite choppy, but I'm not sure if it's the demo or error while editing. May be both.
The transition @2:09 just no thanks..
Also you messed up with colour correction at the beginning (both the stairs campath and the one in a site)
I'm not aware which kind of hardware you're running and if it's able to render better quality clips, but the picture quality certainly needs improvement.
My recommendation would be that you should start out with shorter clips (maybe a frag or two). Mess around with different effects, transitions etc. Also put some effort into creating campaths - they are really important. Try different angles, but keep their usage to minimal. Attempt to connect the campaths to the frags, so they would make an unity. It all should look as a flow.
Certainly look up some guides (especially on campaths), there's many on the internet.